Something About Love

This is the kind of woman I am: I see patterns in the single file passage of a day's minutes. A red truck in the morning, a cardinal out the kitchen window around noon, and later a red ball bouncing down the steps. I see these things and I connect them the way my Daddy used to swirl my initial, a capital K, in ketchup on top of my potatoes. That's what I do, I connect the dots. I experience happenstance as the symbolic language it is.

And so I could not ignore the all of the communications that I've had in the last few weeks with friends and acquaintances. My goodness. I've had two people who've come right out and said to me that they are doing intense heart-work. But there have been numerous calls and conversations about mammograms, breast surgery, chest colds and even a one genuine case of classic heart break. I couldn't help but take notice. As sure as a tree full of cardinals looks like a burning bush the people in my life are my cosmic message. Its time for me to think about exactly what it is that know about love and loving. Maybe its time for me to have a change of heart.

The other thing about the kind of woman I am is that it can be a little isolating. All the chatting with spirits, prayer, writing, brewing of herbs, chanting and other mystical carrying on is somewhat solitary business. If you are isolated you can feel alone; even if you're isolated by choice. I feel like (see I'm trying to feel and not just think)...I feel like I'm being called on to stay engaged with people so that I don't drift into apathy. Apahty is a gelatinous green water, when you get out of it you might be jaded or envious. It can be a mess as messy as pea soup, but not nearly as comforting and only the truly bitchy find it delicious.

I'm not there yet. In fact there are some things that I know about love that are in my head right now, right on the tip of my brain. In fact I spent the summer creating a deck of cards for divination and meditation. I call them the Common Union Cards. The progression of 22 cards and 44 images detail the journey that begins when a person, even a salty and slightly stank person, lets go and falls in love. I could go on and on about the cards and probably will in later posts and I could go on and on about what my own falling taught me. But I want to go beyond what I know and explore the challenge that my precious messengers have put forth.

The signs all point to the need our hearts have for change. (I'm using a capital Our here, referring to all of Creation...I try not to leave anyone out of my Our or my y'all.) I know, I'm really not trying to shout continual 'Amens' from the Obama campaign mourner's bench. But last fall a lot of people did change the way they think. Now, we are ready to change how we feel. Hearts need changing. Some need to open, some need to be more discerning in what gets in to them. Some hearts need to slim down a little bit; they are too heavy. Pounding hearts can learn to ask gently, hearts in throats can return to their rightful home. Racing hearts can have victory and finally win. Yes we can.

Okay.

Socially, there is heartbreak and fear all out in the world. Money is whipping people and people are jumping every time they hear the crack. Fear. Racial fear is rippling the tall grass of the heartland. Again! Kids--the school issues, the violence; that is heartbreak. Oh I've got to stop for a second and sing some Stevie Wonder ...'Loves in need of love today...' Okay. I won't pull out my soap box or I could jump around it all night. But I will ask a question that's been put to me in the last few weeks. "What breaks your heart?"

Puzzle on that for a minute. Or a long whiles worth of minutes. A person might need a moon's worth of minutes or even more. But if that gets answered that's a good starting place for pasting up a broken heart.

So what do we do about heartbreak? How do we change our hearts if they need changing? I'm not that sure. I'm not an expert. I use prayer and art. I'm using a lot of flower essences too.
Here's a recipe and a prayer for heart-work...the intense kind and the gentle kind.

Heart Hearted Oil
1 oz. almond or safflower oil
5 drops of rose absolute
2 drops of mandarin essential oil
1 drop of geranium essential oil
1 drop of rosemary essential oil

I'm rubbing mine on my heart chakra, the space where my physical heart resides. I'm saying many prayers. The message for me personally is that I need to open, to feel safe, to be bold and to experience my heart as resilient. It can survive being broken.

Here's one of my many prayers for my heart and for y'all's hearts too:

Prayer

Oh God, as You love me, let me love.
Let my heart, under the warmth of your Sun,
flourish like brazen fruit.
Piece me back together Mother God,
make warm quilts of my relating,
make awesome mosaics of my offerings.
There is trust in my bones and graciousness in the broad span
of my tiny being .
Keep letting me see myself reflected this way in the eyes of your creation.
Let me feel it in my heart
as I move with my feelings, as I grow and expand and deepen in this love.

Amen.